i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
