I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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