Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
