Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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