let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
