He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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