i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
