Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize