i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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