I smell stomach acid.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
