I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
