we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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