he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
