Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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