just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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