yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
