I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
