My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
