i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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