At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
