Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
