discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
