he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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