My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
