Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
