your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
