Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
