In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
