just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
