I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize