i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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