Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
