my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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