You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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