Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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