Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
COCAINE IS GR8
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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