I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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