can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
