The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
