I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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