quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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