I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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