just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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