He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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