I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
