Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
