your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
