Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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