he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
