I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
