I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
