Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
