Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I skipped work to stalk him.
well you can't waste a boner
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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