We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize