I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
