ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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