I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
