There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize