margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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