i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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