What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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