hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
