I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize