Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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