how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
