I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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