I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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