That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
