Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i came on her dog
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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