remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
