No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
