so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
