yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
