I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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