If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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