Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
im drinking this country out of the recession.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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