the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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