and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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