I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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