I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
