So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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