I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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