Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize