the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
