No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
